A futile struggle

Sitting here and staring,
Struggling against the bonds that bind me close.
Trying to forget all that was,
Trying to cope with all that is
Trying to hope for all that will be.
A wish upon a shooting star
A wish to escape it all
But still wish to face it instead.
To say, just let it go away.

I want to strike back with all I have
And yet t’ll hurt the more I care.
For alone in this cavern I do know
That the ones who bind me love me all the more.
Or maybe its just whimsical thinking on my part.
For do I really know these people here.
What they want from me is what I hold so dear.

I struggle against the binds
I struggle to give and I struggle to hide.
I know not what I ought to do.
Its one big confusion that binds me true.
To escape means to kill all whom I hold near
To stay would kill me deep within
What to do ? I just wish I knew.

Just an answer will not do
For white and black makes not life.
It’s all shades of grey I see,
And from it my bonds will not fall.
It’s all a matter of opinion I think
To stay or move is as I choose to think.

Amidst all this thoughts so blue
Can I find it in my heart so true
Just to be and just to live
For I fear I cannot kill.
So all I do is just hope on
That they do not see
The broken glass upon which I tred.
For now its only I who feel.
So God give me courage to speak no more.
Just smile and sit and the world will think no more.